Case study #1 HRD #394 Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words

#1 HRD #394 - Case Study Example tance of repairing the machines and also improve the conditions and the equipments that would help reduce the cases of accidents and injuries in the work. The programs of behavioral based safety focus the employees as the main cause of accidents and injuries at workplaces. In this, many employees blame their employees for most of the accidents at workplaces, in most cases; however, behavioral based safety targets improving the safety behaviors in the workplaces by the use of employee involvement. It involves identifying the employees practices and behaviors that would help in reducing the risk of injury. Management accountability and engineering control both affect safety issues at workplaces, managers should understand that the safety of their employees also fails in their hands. They should understand that they have the responsibility to provide a safe and healthy workplace for their employees. Management should also ensure that the organization has adequate resources focused towards ensuring that the organization meets the safety and health implementation strategies and objectives. With this in mind then the management is accountable to all its employees in regard to health and safety. Engineering control also affects safety issues at the workplace; regular fixing of the engineering systems in an organization reduces the incidences of accidents and injuries at the workplaces. This fixing of the engineering systems helps improve the hazardous conditions and equipments that help eliminate the potential causes of accidents. This paper concurs with the critics of behavior based safety, the critics of the BBS state that the employees are not always responsible for the accidents and injuries as the advocates put it. Injuries and accidents in the workplaces mainly rise from the unsafe conditions with bad designs, the failure of the organizations to provide the safeguards required and the failure of the organizations to take the best preventive measures. This proves

Matlab Assignment Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 2250 words

Matlab - Assignment Example The results indicated to show that system (a) had a significantly larger absolute steady state error as compared to the system (b). It is equally clear that system (B) displayed a greater accuracy with less absolute steady state error as compared to that of the system (a). This leads to a conclusion that the positive error value of system (b) established the system output’s stability. Prior to the introduction and calculation of the error formulas, it is possible to determine the system’s performance by the use of its constant (K) value. A perfect system with no steady state error, ideally, Kp would be equal to zero, Kv would be equal to one and Ka would be equal to one. It is however extremely challenging to attain this kind of a system. If Kv or Ka would be equal to zero, then the steady state error would be infinite as illustrated in the results in the table. If Kpos would be equal to negative one, then the steady state error would become infinite. The results from the table show that the Kpos is very close to negative one. This is basically the reason as to why it has a large value of the steady state error. The sign recorded by the steady state error gives an indication of whether the output is greater than the input or vice versa. For instance, the table shows that system (a) displays a negative error value making the output of the system to be greater than the input. This designates some degree of amplification. On the other hand, the system (b) displays a positive error making the output smaller than the input.

Film art Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 2250 words

Film art - Essay Example One of the elements of Citizen Kane that Brophy focused on is vocal performance of all the main cast members of this movie. He says that it was Orson Welles’ special talent to bring the most out of his actors as far as their vocal inflections and other aural aspects. For instance, he talks about the reporter’s bland voice, which was right for the part, because the reporter was supposed to be one of the least colorful characters in the film (Brophy, 2). Another vocal performance that was focused on was that of Susan Alexander, describing her voice as phlegmy, and full of repressed anger. The questioning of the librarian brings a scolding that is whispered, but full of indignation (Brophy, 2). In Psycho, there are similar aspects of the film that brings this film to life. The most obvious, of course, was Norman Bates and his â€Å"mother.† Bates has a pitch-perfect imitation of his mother, so much so that the audience could never suspect that the mother actually wa s not a separate person at that point. The arguments that emanate from the spooky old house on the hill that is directly behind the Bates Motel could never, in the audience’s wild imagination, be just one person arguing essentially with himself. The voice inflections and the pitch of the voice of the mother are so real that it is that much more shocking to find out, in the climax, that Norman’s mother had been dead for many years, and that the â€Å"mother† was, at that point, nothing but a skeleton with a robe and wig on, sitting in the apple cellar. This is not the only vocal performance that brings suspense to the film. Janet Leigh’s performance as the lead character, Marion, also brings a sense of suspense to the film. For instance, when she is stopped by the policeman early on in the film, her talking is way too fast. This, combined with her overall shifty-eyed look gave the policeman reason to suspect that she was hiding something, and she was, inde ed - $40,000 that she had embezzled from her employer. This same tone of voice is employed when she went to buy a new car – her speech was tight and quick. She was extremely nervous, and this nervousness was evident in her voice and her overall body language. Because the audience knew that Marion was not that good of an actress (although Leigh certainly was), it became obvious when she felt comfortable and when she felt uncomfortable. It was completely in her voice. Therefore, when she was talking to Norman in his room – while she ate her sandwich, while looking at the creepy stuffed owls and such – it was obvious that she felt completely comfortable. For whatever reason, there was nothing in Norman’s weird demeanor that gave her pause. If there was something, Marion would not have been able to hide it. She couldn’t hide nervousness, this was obvious. Therefore, the audience was clued into Marion’s state of mind throughout the film – it showed in her voice and her body language. Similarly, Brophy stated that this is an important part of the vocal characterizations – the changes in the voice of the character would signify the different states of mind that the character might go through during the course of the film (Brophy, 3). While the characters in Citizen Kane had different vocal inflections because the voices of the

Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain Essay -- mississippi river, racism, civ

Huckleberry Finn is one of the most controversial novels in history. It is the fifth most challenged book in United States history (About Mark Twain). It tells the tale of a young boy and a slave who venture across the Mississippi river. At the time, this was considered immoral and unheard of. The author of this story is Mark Twain. Twain was born as Samuel Clemens, but later, after he began writing, he took on the pen name of Mark Twain. This name signifies the borderline between acceptable and not acceptable- as shown in his writing. Twain had three punctilious messages in his novel. Mark Twain wrote Huck Finn to express his disillusionment of society through the eyes of a young farm boy who realized that senseless violence, racism, and slavery all expressed how cruel and corrupt people could be. Samuel Clemens grew up in Hannibal, Missouri. There, he experienced an adventurous childhood that greatly influenced several of his stories. The town of Hannibal however, was not all it seemed to be, for Samuel experienced death and violence at an early age. When he was 9 years old, he saw a local man murder a cattle rancher, and at 10 he saw a slave die after a white overseer struck him with a piece of iron (Mark Twain Biography). Next, after he married, he travelled frequently across the country. In his travels, he experienced slavery, and racism first hand. This greatly affected him and he fought against it with the publication of Huckleberry Finn. In 1858, he became a licensed riverboat pilot (About Mark Twain). This experience allowed him to explore the Mississippi River, which played a large role in developing the novel. Twain clearly shows his social criticisms in this novel using satire. Huckleberry Finn was publish... ...through the eyes of a young boy named Huckleberry Finn. Works Cited -A&E Television Networks, LLC. (1991, March 5). Abolitionist Movement. Retrieved May 18, 2014, from History.com: www.history.com/topics/black-history/abolitionist-movement -A&E Television Networks, LLC. (n.d.). Mark Twain Biography. Retrieved May 14, 2014, from Biography.com: www.biography.com/people/mark-twain-9512564#awesm=~oEhRSHITXnijgm -CMG Solutions. (2006, July 6). About Mark Twain. Retrieved May 9, 2014, from The Official Website of Mark Twain: www.cmgww.com/historic/twain/about/facts.htm -Twain, M. (1994). Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. (S. Appelbaum, Ed.) Mineola, New York, United States: Dover Publications, Inc. -Weider History. (2010, September 15). Causes of the Civil War. Retrieved May 17, 2014, from HistoryNet: www.historynet.com/causes-of-the-civil-war

Opsec

What is OPSEC and Why Do We Have It What is OPSEC? It’s a process of protecting little pieces of information that might grouped together to give the bigger picture. It is also protecting critical information deemed mission essential for military commanders. It is simply denying your adversary the information that they might need to harm you or the mission. The AR that covers OPSEC is AR 530-1 and goes over purposes, responsibilities, policy, procedures, training requirements, OPSEC review, assessment, survey, contract and subcontract requirements and special access programs.The reasons why we have OPSEC is because any vital information that the enemy can get their hands on can give them an advantage on the battle field or operations. Those little pieces of information could show the enemy the full picture of what it is that we plan to execute. Most don’t know what is considered vital information. Think about it, what would you like to know about your enemy and how to in filtrate, interfere or stop their objective. How about where you are going, when you are going, how are you moving, what equipment that you will be using and even what paths have you taken before.Even your unit’s job association can be a part of the information they can gather on. Certain identifying marks such as your unit patch, or any other unit/ battalion identifiers can even give information. For instance the enemy is looking at the patch and can look up through Google and find out what unit you are with and keep open eyes and ears to see if they can get any information on what your purpose is and where you will be. Even taking pictures in certain places can give the enemy a layout of an area.It’s not wise to take pictures of equipment, it would not be hard with the information highway to find out all they need to know about certain functions of our equipment and their weak spots as well. In this day in age we have the social media network that can also help the e nemy track and get information. How OPSEC affects family and social networking We all have friends and family that want to know what you are doing but there are only so many things that you can tell them without violating OPSEC.You are not the only one who needs to understand why there is OPSEC, your family needs to understand its importance as well. Any information you give them and they put out there can affect you and them. The military offers family members who are curious about OPSEC classes and briefs at the FRG meetings. They go over what it stands for and why it’s so important in the military. There are also links on the internet that explain and answers a lot of questions they may have.There is also a Facebook page that family members can go on, it’s called Army Operation Security. Your family has to understand that there is only so much you can tell them and even what you do tell them they don’t need to be telling others or posting it on Facebook. With out thinking they could accidently put the information out without knowing if the person they told is the enemy or a spy. You know what they say keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer.The enemy thinks the same way and will do whatever it takes to get the information they need to plan and infiltrate our operations. Families are the biggest target for our enemies to infiltrate and get information. One more important thing to think about is the enemy could be anyone, American or even your family you never know. There are many reasons why we have OPSEC but not taking the proper measures can result in serious injury or death to personnel, damage to weapons systems, equipment and facilities, loss of sensitive technologies and mission failure.The process of OPSEC There is a process to OPSEC as well the subjects that are covered are identification of critical information, analysis of threats, analysis of vulnerabilities, assessment of risk, an application of appropriate OPSEC measures and assessment of insider knowledge. Identification of critical information is the process of identifying what information is needed by the enemy, not so much protecting everything that is classified or sensitive unclassified, but protecting what is more vital and would be more useful to the enemy.Analysis of threats is the research and analysis of intelligence, counterintelligence and open source information on the likely enemies of a planned operation. Analysis of vulnerabilities is to examine each and every aspect of the planned operation and try to identify certain OPSEC indicators that could reveal critical information and then compare those indicators with the enemy intelligence collection capabilities used in the previous actions that they have taken in the past.Assessment of risk is where they first analyze the vulnerabilities identified in the previous action and see what OPSEC measures can be taken to prevent the opportunity of the enemy getting information, and t hen those measures are selected for execution based upon a risk assessment done by the commander and staff. Application of appropriate OPSEC measures is when the command implements the OPSEC measures selected in the assessment of risk, action, or in the case of planned future operations and activities, which includes the measures in specific OPSEC plans.Assessment of Insider Knowledge is assessing and ensuring employees, contractors, and key personnel having access to critical or sensitive information practice and maintain proper OPSEC measures by organizational security elements; whether by Open Assessment or Covert Assessment in order to evaluate the information being processed and / or handled on all levels of operation ability (the employees/mid-level/senior management) and prevent unintended/intentional disclosure. These are all important steps that are taken to implement those measures to use as soldiers.All this information that they gather and analyze gives us the understand ing of what the enemy is looking, what they have done in the past and what they may plan in the future. We have briefs annually that go over such information that they gather and the measure to prevent them from happening again. We even sign a nondisclosure agreement after we are briefed on what we are not supposed to do when we have information that is mission critical. Basically they go over the does and don’ts in this brief and we are bound in contract not to disclose any of this information to whom it doesn’t concern.Later in this essay, you will know the consequences to violating the nondisclosure agreement. Indicators and Vulnerabilities There are other forms of analyzing ways that the enemy would get information and create weak spots in our operations or mission tasks, they are Indicators and Vulnerabilities. Indicators, consists of five characteristics which are signatures, associations, profiles, contrasts and exposures. A signature can cause certain indicator s to be identifiable and stand out.If a signature is unique and stable, it reduces the unclear and uncertainty of a particular indicator and reduces the number of additional indicators that must be observed in order to determine the significance. If the indicator’s signature is stable, meaning that the behavior is constant and repeated, an adversary may accurately predict future actions. By varying the pattern of behavior, the signature’s stability can be interrupted and increase the uncertain information of an enemies observations. An association is the relationship that an indicator has to other information or activities.Adversarial Intelligence Analysts spend a considerable amount of time comparing current observations with past observations, which may reveal possible relationships. For example, an observer may note a particular employee report to work after hours. Though previous observation, the Analyst is aware of that employee’s position as an on-call com puter forensics analyst. Given the association between those two observations, the Adversarial Intelligence Analyst could conclude that the organization has suffered a computer breach of some sort.An association can also take the form of a pattern. For instance, if it is observed that we do a test fire on our weapons before rolling out the gate to go on mission, an analyst may be able to accurately predict these procedures. Lastly, an association can take the form of organizational patterns, particularly in military units. The analyst may be aware that a particular unit is comprised of Headquarters Company, a maintenance company and a transportation company.If one of these elements is detected, the presence of the others would be strongly suspected. A profile is the sum of multiple signatures, and what that means is when multiple signatures are detected, the combination therein would be more or less unique to a particular mission or task. For instance, if signatures are detected tha t indicate that aircraft fueling capacities are in place, as well as air traffic control, personnel and weaponry, a profile can be compiled indicating future air-based operations.If a unique profile is observed, an analyst may be able to accurately determine which type of operation is in progress, minimizing the need for additional observation and analysis. Contrasts are any differences between the established pattern and current observations. Contrasts are the most reliable indicators because they depend on differences in established and repeated profiles, and need only to be observed rather than understood. A contrast can take many forms; for instance leaving work at a different time or the presence of vehicles or aircraft that were not previously observed.When noting a difference, the analyst will attempt to determine if the change is isolated or widespread, if the change has occurred previously (and has a matching association), if anything significant has occurred since the chan ge and what the change may represent. The exposure of an indicator refers to the length of time and the time frame in which the indicator is observed. If an indicator is allowed to be observed for a long period of time, it will be assimilated into the profile and be assigned a meaning. If an indicator is able to be observed for only a short period of time and does not repeat, it is less likely to attract attention.However, if the indicator is observed for short periods of time, but is repeated frequently, it will begin to be seen as a contrast to a normal profile. These can be found on OPSEC professionals. com. Vulnerabilities, is the information and indicators that can weak spots to infiltrate and disrupt the mission plans or operation. Finding and preventing the vulnerabilities can reduce the affect that it may have on missions and operations that are planned and executed. For instance, your path that you take to a given destinations, and the terrain were they could plant IED†™s.If someone was to give out information as to where the mission was going and when, it could give the enemy the time to organize a plan of attack on that convoy or mission of operation. Convoy and Equipment security Convoy security is a very important part of our job and there are techniques that we have in the way we pull security and make ourselves less known to the enemy as well. For example, when we have to halt the convoy for complications that arise, we will turn off our lights to make ourselves less know. We also, put spaces between us to eliminate more damage in the event that we are hit with either small arms fire or an IED.Identifying marks on the vehicle is not permitted because it can be traced and monitored by the enemy and observe and predict the way we move and how we operate. These techniques that we have shouldn’t be spoken to anyone as well. If the enemy was to know this information it would give us an even more disadvantage in completing our mission. Ev en the classes that we take like (Crow, Puma, Crew, etc. ) should not be shared information, the enemy would love nothing more that to understand our equipment and the way it works.They will try to find the weakness in anything that we use to plan, secure, and complete our missions and tasks. Radio frequencies are another very important part of information that could be very valuable to the enemy. With that information they could pretty much get just about anything that they would possible need to know to infiltrate us, harm us, equipment and the very mission itself. All this information and more is vital to our very purpose here and simply if the person to whom at anytime you are speaking with or if there are others around and they do not need to know don’t say anything.One other thing that is important to remember there are a lot of DOD contractors around that know and understand about OPSEC, and they are listening around you and will report this information that they hear. Even our battle drills we go over on how we respond and operate under certain conditions can be considered valuable information to the enemy, and something they could use against us. How to Conduct an Operations Security (OPSEC) Assessment OPSEC Assessments are conducted to evaluate an adversary's or competitor's ability to access your critical information, intellectual property, proprietary information or personal information.OPSEC Assessments directly benefit anyone desiring to protect information or assets from disclosure. Operations Security (OPSEC) Assessments enable insight to your predictable indicators, exploitable processes and procedures while presenting specific measures to counter potential vulnerabilities. Assessments can be conducted by internal representatives from each department or can be performed by external experts and typically run from 1-3 weeks.Step 1: Identify information critically important to the organization, mission, project or home [intellectual proper ty, mission details, plans, R&D, capabilities, degradations, key personnel deployment data, medical records, contracts, network schematics, etc. ] Step 2: Identify the relevant adversaries, competitors or criminals with both intent and capability to acquire your critical information. Step 3: From the adversary's, competitors, or thief's perspective, identify potential vulnerabilities and means to gains access to results of step 1. Interview a representative sample of individual.Step 4: Assess the risk of each vulnerability by its respective impact to mission accomplishment / performance if obtained Step 5: Generate / recommend specific measures that counter identified vulnerabilities. Prioritize and enact relevant protection measures. Step 6: Evaluate measure effectiveness, adjust accordingly. This was reference at http://www. wikihow. com/Conduct-an-Operations-Security-%28Opsec%29-Assessment There are many tips when conducting a Operations Security (OPSEC) Assessment here are a cou ple. Don’t try to perform all analysis on your own, obtain threat data from the experts.The cost of OPSEC money wise would be prohibitive to attempt to protect information that is already accessible to the public so focus on what you can protect than what is already publicly accessible. Even though 100% awareness of OPSEC is realistic, zero vulnerabilities are not. Your critical information list should not be secret and inconspicuously posted near PC monitors, phones, copiers, etc. You should keep your list to about ten items. Those aware of what to protect have a better chance of protecting sensitive information as opposed to those unaware of its value is a general rule.Regular assessments ensure your best protection. OPSEC often provides low cost solutions to high tech problems. Instead of a long drawn-out report on observations, findings and proposed counter measures can be formatted in a presentation template. To mitigate vulnerabilities you should include a plan of actio ns and milestones (POA&M) in the brief to decision makers. Consequences to violating OPSEC There are many consequences to violating the nondisclosure statement that all soldiers, NCO’s and Officers are obligated to adhere and follow. This is a direct order from your chain of command.This statement informs you of the obligations and responsibilities concerning OPSEC procedures and consequences that will occur if violating this statement. OPSEC involves vital and important information on mission operations. This includes dates, times, cargo, number of personnel and vehicles, even the rout and destinations of missions. Violations of OPSEC can happen many different ways especially with current technology. Cellular phones are the easiest and most convenient method of use getting and giving information. However, another method would be the internet.People who make random posts on facebook or other forms of social media pages or write blogs about things they do in combat areas revea l types of information without realizing what they have done. Revealing this type of information, whether it was intentional or not can have severe consequences from the Military Judicial System. These consequences include UCMJ, Article 15, Military Court Martial, and separation from the military and loss of all VA benefits. Another and more substantial result of the violations is the loss of people’s lives because the enemy found this information from unsecured communication networks.The first course of punishment is an Article 15 of the UCMJ. A Soldier will receive the maximum punishment from an Article 15. Which would be 45 days extra duty, 45 days of restriction, loss of pay and reduction of rank. If the information the Soldier revealed results in the convoy getting ambushed and Soldiers die, that Soldier may have to appear before a Military Court for a Court Martial Hearing. If the Courts finds the Soldier guilty of the charges they have been accused of. This will result in a Dishonorable Separation from the Military.A Dishonorable Separation from the Military may result in future difficulties in civilian life after you are released from the Military. The main problem might be trying to attain a civilian job. When employers see a dishonorable discharge from the military service and the reasons to which you obtained this action. They will be less likely to employ such a person who they can’t trust in. Along with the dishonorable discharge, you will loss all benefits and entitlements. The Bureau of Veteran affairs will also give soldiers loans to buy a house or brand new vehicle.This will also be taken from, because due to the soldier’s indiscretion to reveal vital information and risk the lives of their fellow comrades. References Operation Security on Wikipedia: http://en. wikipedia. org/wiki/Operations_security Operation Security AR 530-1: www. fas. org/irp/doddir/army/ar530-1. pdf OPSEC Indicators: www. opsecprofessionals. org/artic les/indicators. htm How to Conduct an Operations Security (Opsec) Assessment: http://www. wikihow. com/Conduct-an-Operations-Security-%28Opsec%29-Assessment

How to Know If You Have PHP for Your Website

Most web servers nowadays support PHP and MySQL, but if you are having trouble running PHP code, theres an outside chance your web server doesnt support it. To execute PHP scripts on your website, your web host must support PHP/MySQL. If you are unsure whether you have PHP/MySQL support with your host, you can find out by running a test that involves uploading a simple program and trying to run it.   Testing for PHP Support Create a blank text file using NotePad or any other text editor and call it test.php. The .php extension at the end of the file name is critically important. It cannot be .php.html or .php.txt or anything other than .php.Put this PHP code in the text file: ?php phpinfo() ; ? Save the file and upload it to the root of your website on the web server using FTP. The folder may be called public_html or web root or some other name depending on your server, but it is the main folder for your website.In a browser, go to www.[yoursite].com/test.php. If you see the code as you entered it, then your website cannot run PHP with the current host. If your server supports PHP, you will see a list of all the PHP/SQL properties that are supported by the host. PHP Versions Among the supported properties listed should be the version of PHP the web server is running. PHP is updated occasionally and each new version typically has better security practices and new features you can take advantage of. If you and your host are not running recent, stable, compatible PHP versions, some problems might be the result. If you are running a more recent stable version that your web server, you may need to find a new web server.

Tiger - Free Essay Example

Sample details Pages: 35 Words: 10510 Downloads: 2 Date added: 2017/09/24 Category Advertising Essay Type Argumentative essay Did you like this example? 60 SMS.. Jasda-e-dost nakam nahi hone denge! Aap ki duniya me shaam nahi hone denge! Dosti ka har imtihan apne sar pe lenge! Par e dost,Aapko kabhi pareshan na hone denge 1) Dil mein aansuyo ke mele hain Tum bin hum bohat akele hain Sab kuch chod kar tumeh MMS karte hain Dekho hum kitne vele hain * vele = lazy (vele is a Punjabi word) 2. Har desh ki ek sarhadd hoti hai bache ki bhi ek jidd hoti hai aur kitna intzaar karru tere sms ka Kanjosi ki bhi koi hadd hoti hai 3. kayi raaz aise hote hain jo dikhaye nahi jaate kayi kisse aise hote hain jo sunaye nahi jaate ayi dil aise hote hain jo tode nahi jaate aur aap jaise dost aise hote hain jo chode nahi jaate. 4. Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai mein, dil dooba hai gamo ki gehrai mein, hume mat dhoondna duniya ki bhid mein, hum millenge tumhe tumhari parchaai mein.. 5. Humse door jayoge kaise, Dil se hume bhulayoge kaise, Hum to vo khusboo hain jo aapki saanso mein baste hain, Khud ki saanso ko rok payoge kaise 6. Har baar dil se yeh paigaam aaye JubaaN kholu to tera he naam aaye Tum he kyon bhaye dil ko kya malum Jab nazroo ke saamne haseen tmaam aaye 8. You must be a good runner because you are lways running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always 9. Shaam hote hii ye Dil udaas hota hai Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai.. 10. Door waadiyoN mein dhundley badal chupkar parvat se milne ka intzaar karte hain, Dil mein tamaam hasarteiN liye hum aapka intzaar karte hain 13. Phool khilte rahein zindgi ki raah mein hassi chamakti rahe aapki nigaah mein kadam kadam par mile khushi ki bhaar aapko dil deta hai yehi dua baar-baar aapko 15. Friendship is like a glass andle it with care because once broken cannot be mended and even if mended. a crack is always there !!! 16. When Nights are long Friends are few, I sit by my Window think of u. a silent whispe r a silent tear. with all my Heart i wish you were here. 17. When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you. Why should only i suffer!!! 18. When the time comes for you to give your heart to someone make sure that u select someone who will never break your heart coz broken hearts have no spare parts. 19. Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi ocha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge magar vo to bacho ko daraane ke kaam aayi 20. Badi asaani se dil lgaaye jaate hain par badi mushkil se waade nibhaye jaate hain le jaati hai mohabbat un raaho par jaha diye nahi dil jalaaye jaate hain 21. Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart. 22. Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave,and impossible to forget. 23. DONT frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile 24. When it hurts to look back, and youre scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there 25. Aap jaise log hume kuch khas lagte hai. mann me har waqt hum ek aas rakte hai, jaane kab aa jaye sms aapka is liye cell ko dil ke pass rakte hai 26. When u feel sad. To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, damn I am really so cute u will overcome your sadness. But dont make this a habit.. Coz liars go to hell !!!! 27. one day Love and friendship met. Love asked-when i already exist why are you here? friendship replied to make faces smile when u leave the tears!!! Friendship is the best thing in the world as there is no scope for tears if your friend is good. 28. If you love someone, put their name in a circle, nstead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever 29. If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldnt jump with them, Id be at the bottom to catch them. A 30. To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart. 31. Smile a while and while you smile, smile another smile and soon there will b e miles and miles of smile just because you smiled, i wish your day is full of SMILE 32. Muskura do jara khuda ke vaste, sama-e-mahefil mai rosni kam hai, tum hamare nahi to kya gum hai, hum tumhare to haiN ye kya kam hai? A 33. Hi i am marrying next week there will be a small party and nly few persons will be invited Hey dont bring any gift just bring SOMEONE to marry me.. 35. a friend is sweet when it is new it is sweeter when it is true. but you know that.. it is the sweetest when it is u 37. Chehre pe ashko ki lakeer si ban gayi Jo na chaaha tha vo takdeer si ban gayi humne to chalaayi thi ret pe ungli gaur se dekha to unki tasveer si ban gayi 38. Mountain can fly,river can dry you can forget me but never can iA 39. Tere pyaar ki roshni aisi hai ki har taraf ujaala nazar aata hai sochta hu ki ghar ki bijli katwa du kambaqt bill bohat aata hai 40. Door rehkar bhi yaad karenge eh mat sochna ki bhool jayenge tumeh, agar dost bankar raas na aaye to ajnabi ban kar yaad aayenge tumeh 41. destiny decides who u meet in life but its only your heart that can decide who gets to stay in your life.. 42. Have a heart that never hardens have a smile that never fades have a touch that never burnt and have friendship that never breaks. 43. If u drop me i ill break if u hold me i ill shake if u need me i ill hurry, if u dont call me i ill worry if u hurt me i ill cry but if u leave me i ill die. 44. Meaning of Friendship : F-FOREVER R-RESPONCIBLE IINTELLIGENT +E-EAGER TO MAIL N-NICE D-DIVINE SSIMPLE H-HEARTLY IINTERSTED P-PEACEFUL 45. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything youre not 46. I saw your face as you walked by but then I saw a better guy 47. I see your face when I am dreaming Thats why I always wake up screaming 48. My love you take my breath away What have you stepped in to smell this way 49. My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe go to hell 50. Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face 51. jaw aab teri shayari ka. denge hum shayari mein. naam tera likh baithe hain. apne dil ki diary mein. 52. If u are a chocolate you are the SWEETEST, If u are a teddy bear you are the most HUGGABLE, If u are a star you are the BRIGHTEST, and since you are my friend U R THE BEST !!! 54. Dont shut love out of your life by saying its impossible to find. ;The quickest way to receive love is to give; ;The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; ;And the best way to keep love is to give it wings. 55. Dil ki aavaj bhi sun mere fasaane pe na jaa meri najaroN ki taraf dekh jamaane pe na jaa.. A A A 56. Haseeno ne haseen banke gunaaah kiya, auro ko to theek humko bhi tabaah kiya, pesh kiya jab ghazaloN mein unki bewafaii ko, uro ne to theek unhone bhi waah waah kiya 57. Yeh jo haseeno ke baal hote hai, ladkon ko fassane ke jaal hote hai, na jaane kitno ke khoon piye honge inhone, tabhi to inke honth laal hote haiA 58. Love is sweet poison: Do not consume without your beloveds advise and keep out of reach of children and keep it in cool and dark place. 59. Promise me we are true friends I am lamp you are light I am Coke you are Sprite I am Sawan you are badal I am Normal you are Pagal I am Water you are Tanki I am Tarzan you are Monkey 60. Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii. Fiteh Mooh Tusin Ethe vii aa gaye !!! It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. Maybe we have to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out you still care for that person. Its true that we dont know what weve got until we lose it, but its also true that we dont know what weve been missing until it arriv es. There are things youd love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear from, but dont be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from his heart. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Dont go for looks, they can deceive. Dont go for wealth, in the end it fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to all the things you want to do. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gifts. Always put yourself in others shoes. If you feel it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too. God saw me hungry he created domino’s pizza God saw me thirsty he created coke. God saw me walking he created Benz. God saw me without any problems he created you. I had a very weird dream last night, I saw that all the devils of the world have died Please message me I am really worried about U †¦. MAY THE LORD REMOVE ALL OBSTACLES SHOWER U WITH HAPPINESS PROSPERITY ALWAYS HAPPY ______________ FESTIVAL Who are we to say : Who’s Hindu ? Who’s Muslim ? When there’s ALI in DIW – ALI RAM in RAM – ZAN Send this SMS to as many friends make INDIA united DREAM makes all things possible HOPE makes all things work LOVE makes all things beautiful SMILE makes all the above work possible So ALAWAYS KEEP SMILING A rich man needs _________, A poor man has __________, If u eat _________ u die ! Only one word fits in all the blanks!! Gandhi kaise ch ali teri Aandhi. Aaya tha langot meh, aur Guhs gaya 500 ki note meh. Money can buy House but not home, Bed but not sleep, Medicine but not health, Money is dirty. It only causes pain suffering. SEND ME U R MONEY BE HAPPY. Once I catch u , I will take u to bed; I will make u hot, I make u sweat; I will make u groan, You will wish u never had me. Yours sincerely MALARIA. What is a Girl Friend ? Addition of PROBLEMS. Subtraction of MONEY. Multiplication of ENEMIES. Division of FRIENDS. 32. A Sardhar boy beaten on his ass by his teacher, goes home, looks at his back in the mirror and says : SAALI NE MAAR MAAR KE DOH TUKDE KAR DIYA !! Why Women are are best civil engineers in the world ? Because they r the only people who can demolish an erection without damaging the structure. Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road WHY ? Just to confirm whether he is going or coming back from the office. What is the similarity between walking on the edge of Mt. Everest and Getting a blow job from an 85 year old woman ? Whatever u do, don’t look down ? mangtha hu to deti nahi JAWAB MERI BAAT KA deti hai to khada ho jata hai ROM ROM JAZBAT KA boli sajan dheere so dalo BALO MEIN PHOOL GULAB KA. Beta bola, â€Å"Papa, Papa, mujhe Bandar dekhna hai† Papa bole, â€Å"Nahin beta, abhi nahin. Abhi Bandar SMS Padh raha hai. †! Darde dil sehna aasan nahi hota, kimti cheez ke her koi kabil nahi hota, Yeh to rab ki meherbani hai warna, Aapsa dost her kisi ko hasil nahi hota. USUALLY, I only send sms’s 2 people who r either VERY CUTE, or VERY SWEET, or VERY SPECIAL, but in your case I am making an exception .. you’re all Three. 19 sardars went for a movie, some asked pajji Aaj koi khas hai, oh nai poster mein Likha hia only above 18 allowed. Man: Boy, what’s u r dad’s name? Boy: his name is LAUGHING. Man: and u r mother name? Boy: SMILING. Man: you must be kidding? Boy: no, that’s by brother, I am JOKING. Kismat kismat ki baat hain aaj din to kal kali raat hain Kabhi dhoop to kabhi barsaat hain Yeh message ka silsila chalta rahega job tak FREE SMS ka saath hai. LOVE is not rotomac – likhte likhte love ho jaye, It is not BPL – believe in the best, It is not LG – digitally yours It is Panparag – ek se mera kya hoga. . A sweeter smile, A brighter day. Hope everything turns out. Great for you today Good morning. Have a nice day. u are an â€Å"I. D. I. O. T. † Intelligent. Decent Impressive Optimistic Talented R u smiling now? *YOU IDIOT* Dosti karo collegewali se, Pyar karo officewali se, Programmed karo padoswali se, Ankh ladao sali se, Love karo dil wali se, Aur maar khao GARWALI SE. New pak team : Wasi chakram, Bekaar Unus, Saeed Janwar, Saklin Gusthak, Injamam Full Duck, Shahid Bhikari, Sohed Muttar, Abdur mazak, Rashid Taklif. Every little smile can touch somebody’s heart May u find 100’s of reason 2 smile today May u be the reason for someone else 2 smile always. Brain to think of u Eyes to look at u Heart to love u Hand to touch u Leg to walk with u Mouth to say I miss u Foot to kick if u SMS me! What is the similarity between love and photograph? Both get developed in dark. A big HELLO 2 my sweet loving sugar coated choco mallow Milk shaky HONEY dipped chiz melting orange juicy mozzarella Pepperoni spicy bacon icy peanut butter FRIEND! A Sardar goes to a hotel and order’s masala pappad without masala. OYA! BOL TARA RA. Daru se Nasha badtha hai, Nashe se junoon, Junoon se mehanth, Mehanth se paise, Paise se izzat, Issile izzat pane ke liye daru peena bahut zaruri hai Cheers. If tomorrow is Sunday before Sunday is yesterday after yesterday is today What is tomorrow after yesterday? I chased love, I found friendship. I chased desire, I found hopes. I chased reality, I found dreams, I chased a chimpanzee and I found u. U can be a doctor save lives A lawyer defend lives A soldier protect lives Or simply be YOURSELF A beautiful friend who touches lives! Look outside its so pleasant, sun is smiling with u Trees dancing for u birds singing for u because this morning I Asked them all 2 wish u â€Å"A WONDERFUL DAY† Good morning. Woh pyar hi kya jisme judai no ho Woh ishq hi kya jisme ladai no ho Woh dil hi kya jisme dard no ho and Who cell hi kya jisme MERA SMS na ho. Aare o Sambha mere kithne SMS mile? Bahut sare, Aur tumne kitne SMS bheje? Ek bhi nahi! Haaak thu. Ab tak bahut SMS khaye, ab goli kha, DHICHAON Today its cool to have small cars small mobiles. Soon the day will come when small brain will be in fashion and Then my friend, u will be a Legend! On a romantic date Sardar girl friend asks him Darling on our engagement will u give me a ring. Sardar sure, why not, give me u r telephone no. Aajkal apke SMS ana bandh hai, Irshad Irshad Aajkal apke SMS ana bandh hai, Kahfa ho mujse ya balance kam hai? One roman girl asks an Egyptian boy, What will u do for me? He replies: Come behind Pyramid I will make u MUMMY! What happened 2 u r cell? Tried calling lots of times very time I dial u r no. the operator says the subscriber u r calling is a Monkey please call the zoo for details? Women is asking another woman friend. Do you speak to your husband while making love? No way, why should I phone him at such a blissful moment? Every morning u r the first thing that comes to my mind. Wish I could start my day with u in my bed. I love u r touch on my lips. U just makes my day. I love u NESCAFE. Sardar giggling behind a man at ATM Centre. Ha ha I have seen u r password. Man: What is it? Sardar: hee hee its four asterisks. ( **** ) Apko miss karna roz ki baat hein, Yad karna adat ki baat hein, Dur rehna kismat ki baat hein, Magar apko jhelna himmat ke baat hein, Wah Wah! I am currently in Korea. Really frustrated because they didn’t believe me when I say we have Monkeys in India. Please send me u r photo I just want 2 shut them up! Do u know t hat a simple hello can be so Sweet? H – How r u E – Everything all right? L – Like to see u. L – Love to hear from u. O – Obviously miss u. So, HELLO. 9 lessons in Life: Learn To Care, To Smile, To Cry, To Give, To Forgive, To Share,To Trust, To Love To sms me daily. If friendship could be bought n sold like Stocks n Shares people who Invested in u, would be Millionaires. Congrats! Your phone has been installed with a new puzzle game. To play, just throw your phone against the wall and arrange the pieces Back. Its fun try it. God is wise that he never created people with price tags, Because if he had, would not have been able to afford for a wonderful And loveable person like u †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ JIN be basi JANAKI, RUM me base RAM, WHISKY me base WISHNU, Aur SHAMPAIGN me base SHYAM. Kis kis ka tyaag karu mein, har bottle me bhagwan. The virtue of true love is not finding the perfect person. But loving the imperfect person perfectly, Love doesnâ⠂¬â„¢t have a happy ending because It simply doesn’t end! What did the gangster’s son tell his dad when he failed his examinations? â€Å"Dad they questioned me for 3 hrs but I never told them anything† U can buy gifts but not love. U can pretend 2 smile but not be happy. U can lie to others but not to u r self. U can have friends but not as sweet as me. 7 rules to be happy: 1; Never Hate. 2; Don’t worry 3; Live simple 4; Expect a little 5; Give a lot 6; Always smile 7; KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME. Arz kiya hai, yeh matlab ki duniya mein, Kaun kisi ka hota hai†¦ SMS bhi wohi karta hai jisko free hota hai. This morning†¦. May u r burdens be a little lighter, Your pockets a little heavier, Your smile a little wider, And your heart a lot fuller of joy HAVE A NICE DAY. Airhostess 2 laloo†¦ sir r u vegetarian or nonveg. He says no I am Sagittarian She says no sir r u shakahari or masahari, He says no I am BIHARI. Think of me and keep in mind, a faithful friend is hard to find But if you find one equal and true, never leave the old for new Neevu kare maaduthiruva chandadaararu tamma mobile vyapti Pradeshada horage (kunde olege) thallidarey, Swalpa samayada nantara prayatnisi!!!! A Daku entered in a Sardar’s home, Daku: Bol, sona kahan hai? Sardar: oye, poora ghar khali hai, jaha chahe waha so ja. One who smokes gets a smoky heart, One who drinks gets an alcoholic heart, So dear, u must stop eating sweets because U r already a sweetheart†¦.. Ae mere SMS, mere dost ke pass jaana, agar wo so raha ho to Shor mat machana, jab wo jaage to dheere se muskurana, aur kehna HAVE A NICE DAY. Why do we close our eyes when we pray, When we pray, when we cry, when we dream, When we kiss, because the most beautiful things in life r unseen felt only by the heart. To marry: A Sardar selected a short girl why? Because Someone had told him â€Å"Musibat jitni choti ho utna aachha hai. D se Dosti, Dushmani, Dil, Dard, Dillag i, Deewangi, Par D se itne bhi Door na ho jana ki S se SMS bhi na bhej sako! To be disturbed by the beep of a phone only means that â€Å"SOMEHOW† â€Å"SOMEWHERE† â€Å"SOMEBODY† is thinking of u. At this very moment that ME! Take care. Why industrial productivity is so low in kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting folding holding Re-tying the LUNGI. If God answers u r prayer he is increasing u r faith. If he delays, he is increasing u r patience. If he doesn’t answer, he has something better for u! GOD BLESS U. U come at night, u glued u r self to me, U sucked me, u sol walled me, u got great pleasure, u left, Leaving me to suffer †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ U stupid MOSQUITO. Aaj-didar, Kal-yaar, Parso-pyar, Phir-eakrar, Phir-intazar, phir-takrar, phir-darar, saari mehnat-bekar aur aakhir mein –EK AUR DEVADAS AT BEER BAR! We are like tea bags whose real strength comes out when we were put in Hot water. So when problems be set u, just think. U must be GOD’S favorite cup of tea Foreigner, â€Å"hamare waha e-mail se shadi bhi hoti hein†. Sardar, â€Å"hamare yaha to female se hi hoti hai†. What things u should consider before choosing COFFEE GIRL FRIEND? 1; Should be hot. 2; Should be Rich. ; Creamy. 4; Be able to keep u awake all night. 5 great people 1; Gandhiji – woto ab rahe nahi. 2; Devanand – wo kisi kam ke nahi 3; Ashwariya – apni pahoch ke bahar hai. Baki rahe aap aur hum. So keep in TOUCH. Some times I wish I never saw u, Never met u, never spoke 2 u, It’s not because I hate u, Or I don’t like but it’s simply because 1 day I might loose u. Dosti acchhi ho to rang laati hai, Dosti gehri ho to sabko bhati hai, Dosti nadan ho to toot jathi hai, Par Dosti humse ho to itihass ban jati hai. Love in Pakistan, Romance in Afghanistan, Marriage in Rajasthan but don’t increase Population in HIDUSTAN. Because there is no place in ka bristhan. A furious Sardar enters shop shouts, where is my free gift with this Cooking oil? Salesman: iske saath koi gift nahi hai. Sardar: Oye, ispe likha hai, cholesterol FREE! Faithful husbands will go straight to heaven, because They have already gone through HELL! Teacher: kaun si cheez mu me nahi leni chahiye? Student: jalta hua bulb. Teacher: why? Student: Mummy papa se keh rahi thi pehle bulb bujhao, to mu me loongi. Is saal barish jyada hai na. Nahi pagal ye to upar Dhirubhai ro rahe hai, Beta Mukesh ye tune kya kiya mera sapna 501 me bech dia. Humko to apno ne loota, Gairo me kahan dam tha. Hamari kashthi doobi wahan, jahan pani kam tha. To have a friend in my life like u doesn’t mean sailing on boat With no storms rather it means having a boat that can sail in every storm. Court order: u r accused of crawling into my heart and Hijacking my smiles with your cute messages. U r sentence to be my friend for life time – NO BAIL. Classic – A, 2 Seater p lane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so for found 500 bodies are still digging for more. Sardar ka beta: kal raat maine bathroom ka darwaja khola to apne aap light jali? Sardar ki maa: kamine tune phirse fridge me susu kiya? In case of â€Å"FIRE† scroll down. Abe Sardar not now. In case of fire only!!!!! Sardar ke jokes pad pad ke tub hi, TARARARA!!!!!!!! Kaun banega crorepathi? Let’s play. Q. Nobody likes u because u r a, A. Pain, B. Headache, C. Irritating. D. Idiot. 50 / 50 Phone a friend? Ring me I will tell u. Answer this: Letter after F + Half of 8 + Opposite of b + Letter b 4 C + Opposite of 7 + Middle of Sea + 19th letter X 2 + Middle of Sun? Message me if u gets answer. Dardedil sehna assan nahi hota Kimti cheez ke her koi kabil nahi hota, Ye rab ki meherbani hai warna, Tum jaise popat ke pass mobile nahi hota. A fat Sardar visits dietitian. Doctor said: run 8 kms for 300 days. After 300 days Sardar phoned: I am slimmer but I am 24 00 kms away from home. Two ladies had waited too long at a bus stop. First lady said â€Å"Even my butts feel asleep† Second lady replied â€Å"Yes, I heard it snoring†. Bush got a coded message from Saddam. It read: 370H SSV-0773H Bush was stunned. He called CIA and they cracked its code by reading it up side down!!!!!! Osama bin laden’s favorite song Main nikla, plane leke, raste main newyork main ek mod aaya Main twin tower tod aaya. When u r down don’t think of me. When u r crying don’t think me. When u r alone even then don’t think of me. Instead call me, I have INCOMING FREE. Khuda se pani manga to sagar diya, Phool manga to bageecha diya, Ghar manga to mahal diya, Paisa manga to app ka number diya. Kab aau lene†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Dhane Dhane pe lika hai kaane walon ka naam, Paise paise pe lika hai bhikaariyon ka naam. Abhi aajao lene. U know, if any girl says u r Cute, Handsome, Ultimate, Talented, Intelligent, Attractive. The un derstand, she is actually saying, CHUTIA. If I am in hell u in heaven. I always look up proud of u. But if I were in heaven u in hell, I beg god to send me down because heaven won’t be heaven without u. Zindagi ke raahon mein tujhe jo gam milege, mere hoslon se kam milenge, Jab khud ko tanha pao kabhi, kasam dosti ki bus yaad karna aur saamne hum milenge. No Quality + No Style = Laloo. No Quality + Style = Sonia. Quality + No Style = Vajpayee. Quality + Style = GUESS U r right it’s ME. Happiness keeps u sweet, trials make u strong, Sorrows keep u human, failure keeps u humble, Success keeps u glowing God keeps u going. GOD BLEES U. Dosti phool se kya karte ho woh to murza jate hai. Dosti karo to kanto se karo jo chubhne ke baad bhi yaad aate hai. Tum hamesha muskuraate raho Muskuraate raho Muskuraate raho BUS Muskuraate raho Mujhe kya? Log tumhe hi paagal samjhene. Three Monkeys escaped: One found eating banana. Second dancing. Third reading this message. Wif e ka matlab hai Wonderful Instrument For Enjoyment. Neend aathi hai, dard saath lekar. Yaad aathi hai, aapka naam lekar. Mujhe intezar hai, us shaam ka†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Jo aaegi aapko saath lekar. Koi wada nahi fir bhi tera intazar hai, Judai ke bavjuth bhi tujse pyar hai, Tere chahere ki udasi de rahi hai gawahi, Mujse Milne ke lia tu bhi bekarar hai. A B C D A- u r attractive B- u r the best C- u r cute D- u r dear to me E F G E- u r excellent F- u r funny G- u r good looking H I J K H- He He He I- I am J- Just K- Kidding. All mornings r like paintings, U need a little inspiration to get u going, A little smile to brighten it and a message from Some one who cares to colour u r day. Two Sardar’s watching cricket, when sachin hit a boundary, 1st said: dekho GOAL HUA. 2nd said: GOAL isme nahi CRICKET me hota hai. Sardar stopped sleeping with his wife †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦..! Some one told him – shaadi shuda aurat ke saat sona paap hai!!! Sardar reads a poster outside police st ation. â€Å"WANTED† for rape and murder. He goes in says sir I want to apply for that job. 60. I wanted to kill the sweetest, smartest, sexiest, handsome the most beautiful person on earth, but then I thought †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. SUICIDE is a crime. Phool ki shuruvat kali se hoti hai. Zindagi ki shuruvat janse hoti hai. Pyar ki shuruvat dosti se hoti hai. Aur dosti ki shuruvat aapse hoti hai. x You me do it in bed, do it in car, do it standing, do it sitting, do it in room, But its best doing it lying down. Hey don’t we? In these positions do SMS. You may have someone in your mind, someone in your heart Someone is your dreams, some one in your life But I am your someone when u have no one. Sardarji sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. A few seconds later he received a report and started dancing. Report read: sardarni delivered. Bolo tara ra ra. your friendship is a blank Cheque For me it’s an asset not a liability Always a credit not a debit Always a profit not a loss and I hope it will never bounce. Raped girl to police: Saab, 1 ne meri gaand mari, 2 ne chut chodi, 3 ne ball dabaye, 4 ne kiss kiya. Officer: Sali F I R likha rahi hai ke lund utta rahi hai? Zindagi is to be lived, Dil is to be given, Pyar is to be shared, Gham is to be fought, Khushi is to be achieved. Dushmani is to be forgotten And teri meri dosti is to be for ever. Chandra mukhi ki chand jaise choot me Devdas ka dande jaisa lund dala tho Wo chilla kar boli Maar daala o†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. Maar daala. After a great sex with his GF, BF saw a picture of a nude male In GF’s Walllet. BF: you’re ex BF? GF: Silly, that was me before the operation. One day I read smoking is bad, I stopped smoking. One day I read drinking is bad, I stopped drinking. One day I read fucking is bad, I stopped †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Reading. If u read this, I am smart, If u save this u agree I am smart, If u forward this, u are spreading that I am smart, And if u deletes this you are jealous because I am smart. I trust u a lot because u are my close friend but why do u talk Behind my back? Why don’t u tell me frankly? Why you telling every one I am BORN SMART. Khudko jala ke roshani dena shama ki adat hai. Apko hasana hamari chaht hai. Free hai SMS to kay hua? Apna time gavake aapki hasi pana hamari fidrat hai. What is the name of a Russian doctor who is specialist in piles? Dr. YAKO THIKA NOVA. Exams are like Girl friends. 1; Too many questions. 2; Difficult to understand. 3; More explanation needed. 4; Result is always not up to mark. Females have 4 specialties. 1; They get WET without bath. ; Bleed without injury. 3; Give milk without eating grass. 4; Lastly they make boneless objects hard. Thank u for calling 1900.. NEED SEX HOTLINE. For hot sex press 1, For breast sex press 2, For combination sex press 3, For oral sex press 0. To end this call press your balls. Lights went of in girls hostel The watchman called up Ele ctricity Office and Says â€Å"Send your men immediately because the girls are using Candles†. Man marries deaf girl. He says we must work our a code: If I want sex I will stroke your left breast You reply by pulling my Penis once for YES or 50 times of NO. Neevu kare maaduthiruva chandadaararu vyapthi pradeshada horage tamma Thika toleta iddare swalpa samayada nantara prayathnisi. A man is carrying three babies in a train. Lady sitting next asks: Are they your babies? Man: No I work for a condom factory and these are CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS!!!!!!! Santa was crying outside Metropolis lab. Banta asked him why? Santa: Blood test karwane aaya tha, ungly kaat di. Banta: Bappre†¦.. mujhe to urine test karana hai. Boy to a Girl: Kash khuda ne mainu brush banaya honda ta Main tere mu vich firna si. Girl: thoda vada banaya honda te tu flush vich ferna si†¦ Arz kiya hai †¦ Tere gar par sanam hazar baar aayenge †¦ Tere gar par sanam hazar baar aayenge, Kunki kunki ghanti bajainge aur bhag jayenge. Two Sardar were walking, a car splashed lot of water on them. First Sardar – iski ma ki chut, Second Sardar – yaar chut se yaad aaya bhabhiji kaisi hain. Please remind me to remind u about reminding me to send u this reminder that reminds me of reminding u that u never have to remind me to remember u. 7 rules to be happy: 1; Never hate 2; Don’t worry 3; Live simple 4; Expect a little 5; Give a lot 6; Always smile 7; Have a cute friend like me. A mobile is like a woman – talks non – stop, Costs a fortune, disturbs when you are busy and when you need it urgently – there is no service. What has 6 feet, 9 heads, 1 leg, 5 hands, 7 eyes, 13 ears, 3 mouths, 1 finger, 8 Stomachs, 4 brains stop thinking and get back to work, There is nothing like that. Value each precious moment†¦.. Morning brings hope†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Afternoon brings faith†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. Evening brings love†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. Night brings rest †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Wish u find them all today. Good day. What is the similarity between Donkey and Sardar? Ans: dono bachpan mein SUNDER hote hai aur bade hoke TRANSPORT ka dhandha karte hai. Hi, I sent my cares to the wind†¦.. And asked the wind to pass it to you. When you feel the breeze against u r face, it’s me saying â€Å"Take Care† always. I saw u on the road that day†¦ U were looking so fine, u r face so divine, U r walk so perfect, my heart started singing a song†¦. WHO LET THE DOG OUT †¦ BOW †¦. BOW†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. Have u done two of the most important things when you woke up today? 1; PRAY, so that u may live 2; TAKE SHOWER, so that other may live too!! GOOD MORNING. A Sardar dies due to lighting. His dead body is found smiling. Everybody is wondering why? When god asks him, he says â€Å"I thought somebody was clicking my snap†. Har nazar me ek khwaish hoti hai Har dil me ek chahat hoti hai, Mumkin nahi har ek ke liye TAJM AHAL banana, Kyu ki har dil me 4 – 5 MUMTAZ jo hoti hai. Today, tomorrow and forever there will be one heart that would always Beat for you. You know who’s †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Your own stupid. At a dance party while dancing with a beautiful girl a boy said â€Å"Before I met you, my life was like a desert† Girl: that’s why u dances like a camel. Two males at a mall looking for their lost wives. 1st: how does your wife look like? 2nd: she is blond, white, big breasts a firm ass, yours? 1st: forget her lets look for yours. Never abandon old friends they are hard to replace. Friendships are like wine, it gets better as it grows older. Just like us†¦. I get better, u get older. In a funeral heart shaped coffin was made for a cardiologist. One of the doctor started to laughing. When asked why? He said: I am thinking of my funeral. I am a gynecologist. Sorry for disturbing u at this time. I need your help. But only if u r not busy. If don’t m ind, if u can and if its not disturbing u . Please DELETE this message. What is the meaning of 3G-CDMA written on reliance handset. 3 Gujrathi Chor – Dhiru, Mukesh, Anil. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z The person who invented alphabets was great. But he did a silly mistake by placing â€Å"U† and â€Å"I† far away. Jab tumhara msg. aata hai mera rom rom machal jaata hai Ang ang mein gud gudi hoti hai, Yeh msg. ka kasoor nahi hai. Kambakht mobile hi vibration par hota hai. Life is like Maths: Friend do + karo, Dushman ko – karo, Khushia ko x karo, Gam ko / karo aur Life ko totally enjoy karo. Husband asks: do u know the meaning of WIFE. It means Without Information Fighting Every time. Wife on hearing this says, it could also mean With Idiot For Ever. Zindagi ki har dagar par or har mod per miltehain dost aap jaise. Na jaane bhagwan ne itne manufacturing defect kiye kaise? Laloo went to USA to learn English, after 3 months Rabrid evi phones to Bush and asks, is laloo learing English. Bush: e sasura kabhi aungreji hani seekh saktha. . Agar apko raat ki tanhai mai koi tang kare apko karwate badlne pe majboor Kare, chupke se kan mai sargoshi kare aur gaal chum le†¦. To ALLOUT lagao machar bhagao. No sweet thoughts to forward No cute graphics to send Just a Friend saying take care.! Pholo ki har kali khusbu de aapko. Suraj ki har kiran roshani de aapko. Hum to kuch den eke qabil nahi magar dene wala har kushi de aapko. Sharab ek bimari hai, jo is samaj ko barbad kar rahi hai. Ao milke kasam khaye ki is bimari ko khatam kar denge. Ek botal aap khatam karo ek hum kardenge CHEERS. A sardar lost his donkey but still he was dancing. Some one asked him why was he dancing? Sardar said â€Å"acha hua main gadhe pe nahi baitha tha varna main bhi kho jata† Ye meri talash ka kasur hai, ya meri wafa ka jurm hai, Jo dil ke bahut pass hai, wo hi nazar se itne dur hai. Pathar pani mein mat pheko, use koi aur bhi pita hai, Jindagi jina hai to haske jio, tumhe dekhar koi aur bhi jita hai. What is the full form of singh? S – sardar I – insaan N nahi G – gadha H – hai. Ham tere dil mein rehenge ek yaad bankar tere lab pe khilenge muskan bankar kabhi apne se juda mat samjna hum tere sath chalenge assman bankar. Wife sleeping in the middle of the night suddenly wakes up. Quick ! my husband is back!. Man gets up, jumps of window, and then realizes, shit, I am the husband. The world doesn’t need more Mountains to climb, Seas to cross, Stars to shine, What the world needs is only more of u and your smile. Duniya mai bahut gham milenge, sach mano ache dosth kam milenge, Jis mod par sab chod denge sath tumhara, dosth Usi mod par khade hum milenge. When Titanic was drowing, an Italian asks sardarji, How far is land? Sardar: 2 KMs. Italian jumps into sea asks: which direction? Sardar: downwards. One advice: Take care. One request: Be your self. One wish: donâ €™t forget me ever. One lie: I hate you. One fact: you’re a dear friend of mine. The human brain is the most outstanding thing. It functions 24 hours. It functions right from the time you are born until you fall in love. Its spring. The birds are doing it, The bees are doing it, The butterflies are doing it, Should we also do it? FORGET IT. HUMANS CAN’T FLY!!!!!!!! What is a similarity between mobile and marriage? Kash thode din aur ruk jaata to accha model mil jaata. Do you know who is the greatest secret agent in the world? Sardarji, because he don’t remember any thing. Stars + Moon = Romantic Night. Birds + Sky = Lively day. Forest + Animal = Freshing World. You + Your Smile = DARNA MANA HAI. Marwadi man on his death bed. My wife are u here? Yes my husband. My daughter are u here? Yes my papa. My son are u here? Ya. Haram khor phir dukan pe kaun hai? Heart beats are countless. Spirits are ageless. Dreams are endless. Memories are timeless. A friend lik e u shameless. Oops†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. SORRY PRICELESS. Do ladka †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ aha! Raat ke andhere me †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦aha! Jahri ke pichhe†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. aha! Daba daba ke †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦aha! Chus chus ke †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦aha! Frooti pe rahe the†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦aha! Happy moments – Praise God. Difficult moments – Seek God. Quite moments – Worship God. Painful moments – Trust God. Every moment – Think of God. If I could pull down the rainbow I would write your name in it and Put it back to the sky, to let every body know how colourful my life is with a friend like you. Hasna hamara kisiko gawara nahi hota, Har musafir jinkagi ka sahara nahi hota, Milte hai bahut log is tanha jindgi mein, Par koi dosth tumsa pyara nahi hota. I can’t hide this from you anymore. I don’t want to hurt you and I feel its best if I tell you, Before you hear it from someone else†¦.. Half kg SURF EXCEL is now Rs. 45/- only. Every life in this world was painted by God’s own hands. That’s why I am thankful because as he painted my life he included one lovely colour you as my friend. Hearts could only love for a while you can put many relations in a life, You can make a desert from the Nile, but you can’t stop my smile when I see your name on my mobile. Dil ke rishtey ajeeb hote hain. Dhoor reh kar bhi kareeb hote hain. Jo log apko roz dekhte hain woh log kitne kushnaseeb hote hain. A baby monkey asked its mother why are we so ugly. Then it says that we are better just look at the person reading this message. Mushkil se ghabrake ab jeena nahi chahate, Door tumse hoke ab rehna nahi chahate, Yun to dost bahut bane is zindagi main, Par tujh jaisa dosth khona nahi chahate. A Daughter send sms to her father on clearing B. Ed exam, Which father receives as: Father, your daughter has been successful in BED. A sardar suddenly jumps on the railway track. A man shouts: marna hai kya? Sardar: abbey suna nahi, Gujrat express platform per aah rahi hai. Chandni raat thi. Oh mera sath thi. Mein us ke upar tha. Oh mera neeche thi, Daro math yaro oh mera cycle thi. Our friendship is not like NIKE – JUST DO IT. Not like PEPSI – YEH DIL MANGE MORE. Not like WILLS – MADE FOR EACH OTHER. But like FEVICOL – YEH MAJBUT JOD HAI TUTEGA NAHI. She came at night explored my body got on top of me touched me, She bit sucked, swallowed was satisfied she left, I was hurt Bloody mosquito. Yaad karke hame, rho pada hai zamana, Hum kya cheez aaj ye unki ansuwon se jaana. Smile you make it least at but you to this sent who person the curse probably will u backwards this read you after confused. Read it backwards. I sent my cares to the wind and asked the wind to pass them to you, When you feel the wind blowing against your face, that’s me saying TAKE CARE. Today is international day for the mentally disabled people. Plea se send an encouraging message to a mentally disabled friend, As I just did. A request to you please doesn’t go out for next 2 hrs†¦ DOG catching van is on work in your area. Gham aur tanhai me jiye ja rahe hai. Tera naam dil me liye ja rahe hain, Ek tum ho ki SMS karne ka naam nahi lete, Ek hum hai ki SMS kiye ja rahe hain! Dard ko bhi ab dard hone laga, Dard khud hi ghaav barne laga, Dard ke mare hum na roye kabhi, Dark khud humko chu kar rone laga. Do you know the definition of a lecturer? A person who has a bad habit of talking which some one is sleeping. Why did sardarji stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed? He wanted to see how he looks when he is sleeping. BOLO TARA RARA. What’s the similarity between a Dinosaur and an intelligent sardar? Dono ab is duniya mein nahi rahe. A good friend is like a computer. He ENTER’s your life. SAVE’s you in his heart. FORMAT’s your problems and never DELETE’s you from his RAM. Why a re married women heavier than single woman? Single women come home, see what is in the fridge and go to the bed. Married women come home, see what is in bed and go the fridge. What is the difference between stress and tension? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girl friend is pregnant. Special friends are really really hard to find. Specially those who are cute and pure in heart. It’s so hard. So my advice for you is never let me go. How can I spell S_ccess without U? Or C_te? Or H_mble? Or F_n? or F_t_re Or even Tr_st? What will I do without U, my friend? So Sweet is your smile, so Sweet is your style, so Sweet is your voice, so Sweet is your eyes, see how Sweetly I lie. Jigar: na phool me, na bahaar me, na bottle me, na jaar me, na bike pe, Na car me, na peace me, na war me. Ab to hamare din guzarthe hai appke SMS ke intazaar me. Sardar at an art gallery. I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art? Art Dealer: I beg your pardon sir , that’s a mirror. Ek tanha raat mein apki yaad aaye, Tanhai mitane ko humne ek cigrate salgai, Na jane kaise quyamat ho gaya ke dhooey neb hi apki tasvir banayi. Now at this time in the world 41% people will be doing job. 32% entertaining, 16% helping others, 7% sleeping, 3% roaming, But one FOOL will be reading this message†¦.. Judge: why did you shoot your wife instead of her lover? Accused: your honour, I am sure you will agree with me that its easier to shoot 1 woman than shooting a man every week. One kiss is not enough if I can have two. One hug is not enough if I can have two. One touch is not enough if I can have two. But one friend is enough if I have you. WARNING: be careful when a girl tells you that she loves you from the bottom of her heart, for this may mean that there is enough space for another guy on top. Aaj – dedar, Kal – Yaar, Parso – Pyar, Phir – ikrar, Phir – intazaar, Phir – takarar, Phir – darar , sari mehnat – bekar aur aakhir me Chandani bar†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦! Tusi great ho†¦ rasgulla ke plate ho†¦ Ande ke amlet ho†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Sms karne me bade late ho†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Jalabi ki tarah straight ho†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Par jo bhi ho tusi mere favourite ho†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. U like which pussy? Small pussy, Big pussy, Hairy pussy, Wet pussy, White pussy, Black pussy, Because our cat gave birth to 6 kittens and I am distributing. Chand ko tod du, Suraj ko Fod du, Tu sirf ek baar haa kar ke dekh†¦ Tere liye main pehli waali ko chood du. When you find a dream inside your heart don’t ever let it go Because dreams are the tiny seeds from which beautiful tomorrow grows. Have a beautiful dream tonight. Har subha ki dhund kuch yaad dilati hai Har phool ki khushbu ek jadu jagathi hai. Chaho no chaho kitna bhi, par aapki yaad aa hi jathi. If you feel stressed out, try to have S. E. X. It helps you to relax. Do you know how to have S. E. X.? Let me teach you : S-sleep, E-eat and X-xercise! Don’t think dirty. Shadi karna the par kismat khuli nahin. Taj mahal banana tha par Mumtaz mili nahin. Ek din, kismat khuli shadi huyi. Ab Taj banana hai, Par ye Mumtaz marthi nahin. Sardarji, tell me, what is the meaning of SMS? Sardar it means S-sardaro ka M-mazes udane ki S-service. Please pray for me because I just get my medical report. My condition is critical as days pass by I become smarter! Don’t worry its not contagious but its incurable. How do you drown a submarine filled with sardars? Just knock at the door. Her koi pyar ke liye rota hai, Her koi pyar ke liye tadptha hai. Mere pyar ko galat mat samajana, pyar tho dosti main bhi hota hai. Dur wadiyon mein dhundley badal, chupakar parvat se pyar karte hai, Dil mein tamam hasratein liye hum apse, milne ka intazaar karte hai. Mera dil hai AIRCONDITION, Usme nahi kisi ko PERMISSION, Sirf tujhe hai dost ADMISSION, Woh bhi bina DONATION. Kahat kabir suno bahi sadhu aisa din bhi ayega Computer pe hoga sex aur baccha fax se ayega!!!!!!! Chand taron ka noor tuj par barse, har koi teri chahat ko tarse. Teri zindagi me aen itni khushian, ke tu ek gam paane ko tarse†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Apko mulayam ki akal, laloo ki sakal, mayawati ki vani, jaya jaisi jawani, Kalam jaise baal, Vajpayee jaisi chaal mile this is the subh kamnaye for audha pooja. On marriage, every wife treats her husband as GOD. Later the alphabets are reversed!!!!!! Relationship is like a guitar†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Music may stop†¦ now and then, but strings are always attached forever. Likewise even if you be in touch or not, you are always remembered. Ye appun ka hi sms hai Aakhen phadd phaad kar kya dekhrela hai. Abbey chup chap mooh dhoke oot ja Appun GUD MORNING bolrela hai. Mera dil jigar kidney liver ho tum, Waqt bewaqt aaye wo fever ho tum, Doobkar jisme kho jau wo river ho tum, Jeevan me ab to friend forever ho tum. As the day turns into night keep your worries out of sight No matter how tough the world may seem, you still deserve the SWEETEST DREAM! Good Night. You will always impress people because you have talent, Looks, Intelligence and if that isn’t enough tell then you are MY FRIEND. Guzre huve kal ki yaad ati hai, kuch lamho se ankhen bhar athi hai, Woh subah rangeen woh shaam nirali duub jati hai, Jab aap jaise dosto ki yaad ati hai. My friendship is like an onion which has many layers in it. It will add taste to your life but if you try to cut it you will have tears in your eyes. Let me kiss your lips. Let me feel your teeth. Let me taste your tongue. SMILE! This is your friend fresh moments, reminding you to brush your teeth every morning and night. Ajanabee hote hue bhi apno sa rishta nibhate hai aap, Na jaane kyon dil ko itna lubhate hai aap, Ye kaisa karishma hai aap ka, jo hum ko itna yaad aate hai aap†¦. Naa dil mein tamanna hogi, naa khwaab koi, Tab kya aaega kisi ka jawab koi, toot jaaega dhadkano se dil ka rishta Jab hoga sms par ch arge koi. Earth may stop rotating. Birds may stop flying. Candles may stop melting. Heart may stop beating. But I will never stop disturbing you. Open your eyes recall all the sweet memories in your heart. Think of all the beautiful things in your life and surrender your self to a sweet day, GOOD MORNING. Bhikari: 501 deede baba, Ambani ke naam pe dede, tu 501 dega Ambani tujhe ek mobile dega, teen mahino se bill nahi bhara Ambani ke naam pe dede baba. Yahaan bearish behall hai. Na sur hai na tall hai. Aaj tumhara SMS factory mein kya hartal hai? A special friend is hard to find, they are rare and one of a kind I don’t care if I have the best that includes â€Å"U†. If yesterday didn’t end up the way you planned, just remember, GOD created today for you to start a new one the best is yet to come have a good day. The quietest place in the world. The complaint department at a parachute packing plant. A sardar tells his friend, I think my wife is having an af fair with a horse. I found a pair of underwear’s! Under the bed with label â€Å"Jockey† on them. Oranges grow in Australia, peaches grow there too, But it takes a country like INDIA, to grow a NUT like you. Heart beats are countless, sprits are ageless, Dreams are endless, memories are time less and Some one like you is useless. College me school ki yad aee, budhape me bachpan ki yad aee, Katonko chhuaa to pholon ki yad aee, zindagi ko karibse dekha to sirf app ki yaad aee†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Namaste: mobile aaj tak mein aapka swagat hai. Mukhya Samachar: good morning have a nice day. Mausam: aaj bhi sms bearish ki jari lagi rehegi. Happiness keeps you sweet, trails make you strong, Sorrows keeps you human, failure keeps you humble, Success keeps you glowing and god keeps you going. Relationship is like a garden. It’s beautiful when watered with love, hugs, tears and cheers. But it dries up if left untouched†¦.. Keep in touch always. Marriages, 5 Nama z, 6 Eids, 12 Kids, 30 Rozas, 57 Supporting Countries, 9487 Drug cases, 1 lakh Terrorist, 10 lakh Smugglers, 20 Billion US $ loan makes one PAKISTAN. Ap kya jano hum kitna yaad karthe hai, mano ya no mano, Har pal fariyaad karthe hai, roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko aur bas aphika dikhane ki maang karte hain. I know sending so many SMS to you is bad. So I will send you only on days starting with T like Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Taturday, Tunday every Tingle day†¦. Otay? Dil main hamesha ek shore ho raha hai, Bina SMS ke dil bor ho raha hai, Kahi aisa to nahi, koi pyara so dosth humse DOOR ho raha hai. Kadam Kadam pe hawaon se talukh rekhna, Dosthi ke daur pe dosthi ka aasra rakhna, Hamari yaadon ke SMS zarur ayege Aap bas apna inbox khali rakna. Tumhare naam ki gazalein chand par likhne ko ji chahta hai†¦. Par kya karu yeh jaalim khwab amavas ki raat ko hi atha hai. Ek Dosth ka dosth se wada hai. Marte dum tak nibhayege, Maut aye to tumse pehle hum ja yenge. Tum ko na bhool payenge, tumhe bhi sath le jayenge. Kai raaz aise hote hai jo kahe nahi jate, kai dil aise hote hai jo tode nahi jate, Aur kuch dosth app jaise hote hai jo chode nahi jate. Why do donkeys keep showing their teeth make a funny sound? Even you would, only if your dick touches the ground while waling. Chand adhura hai sitaron ke bina, Gulshan adhura hai baharon ke bina, Samandar adhura hai kinaron ke bina, mare dosth mera mobile adhura hai tumhare SMS ke bina. Humne manga tha sath unka, Woh humein judai ka ghamde gaye. Hum yadon ke sahare phir bhi ji lete, Woh unhe bhool jane ki kasam de gaye. This cat is cat, the cat best cat, way cat to cat, keep cat a cat, fool cat busy cat, For cat 30 cat seconds†¦. Now read again without the word cat. Girls are bad and dirty. Girls make you greedy and make enemies. Girls make your life hell. I am your friend and don’t want worries for you. So please send all your girlfriends to me. What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside, Begins with letter C ends with T and has the letter U and N in the middle? COCONUT. What do you do when a sardar throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. What do the Bermuda triangle and blondes have in common? They have both swallowed a lot of semen. What did the god say when he created the first Negro? Oh shit! Jal gaya!!!!!!! Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai me, dil dooba hai gamo ki geharai me, Humein mat dhoondo duniya ke bhidme, hum milenge tumhe fir kisi free SMS ki scheme me. Sincere apology if you don’t like any of my SMS, then don’t like to read, Then please don’t hesitate feel free to through your MOBILE. Lady drinking Coke, machhar falls in. Lady takes it out. Machhar says Maa! Lady asks why you called me Maa. Machhar says main teri Coke se nikla hoon, Maa. Shores never meet but share the same ocean. The moon and stars could not be one yet they are in one sky. Friends don’t meet often b ut friendship never ends†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. A wife was asked: do you talk to your husband after sex? She replied: depends, if there is a phone nearby. I love you I love you very much I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU SPECIALLY BECAUSE â€Å"MENAKA GANDHI† SAID TO LOVE ANIMALS†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brains. Please tell them your age†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦..!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some friends are separated by time, some by differences, Some by distances, some by pride, but no matter how far you are and how busy we may, you will always be special to me. Life gives answer in three ways†¦. It says YES. And gives you what you want. It says NO. It gives you something better. It says WAIT. And gives you the best in its own time. I believe got created me to be your friend. He picked me out from all the rest Because, he knows I am one of the best! Hay †¦.. Don’t argue with GOD. I feel a feel of funny feel and if you feel the feel same as I feel and if I feel the feel same as you feel, it’s nothing but a feel of â€Å"FRIENDSHIP†. No Special reason for this message, I just want to steal a single moment out Of your busy day and hope to make you smile when I say hey take care be happy always. Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on table and says, too many characters, no story, at all. Librarian says so you are the one who took the telephone directory. Humans fall in love, that’s normal, Cows eat grass, that’s ok. But when MONKEYS press cell phone keypads INCREDIBLE! Still pressing? UNBELIEVABLE! Friends are like shoes, some loose and some tight and some fit just right. They help you as you walk through life, thanks for being my size†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. Life without you is impossible. You are in my breath, In my blood, can’t stay for a second without you. If you are not the re I am dead. Hello, I am talking about OXYGEN. A current survey says: Sexy girls use AIRTEL. Rich girls use HUTCH. Naughty girls use SPICE. And beggars use RELIANCE. I mix RUM with water, I felt drunk. I mix GIN with water, I felt drunk. I mix WHISKY with water then also felt drunk. I swear from today I will never drink? WATER! One day you will be surprised to see me beside you, You me laughing, you me crying, you me dreaming, You I just, you me sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL; Me visiting you. If kiss is a wave, I give you sea, If hug is a leaf, I give you tree, If love is planet, I give you galaxy, If friendship is life, I give you mine. Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly, Well enough about me! How are you? Some people have 5 senses. Some may have six. You are a gifted person As you have the 7th sense. â€Å"NON – SENSE†. What is the best thing about babies? MAKING THEM. I am so concerned about you always, I have been th inking of telling you this, All these days but †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ please wear a helmet while you ride †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. As you see empty things break easily. A line †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Knows no limit, Unless you put an end to it. Hope our friendship is a line that runs †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢ € ¦. forever!!!!!!!!! Wonderful people are carefully created by GOD, Wonderful moments are carefully planned by GOD, Wonderful friends like you are carefully gifted by GOD. I must be tired because you have been running through my mind. You must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart and I must be a bad shooter because I keep missing you. Leaves don’t just fall from the tree, Clouds don’t just form in the sky, Angels don’t just come down from heaven, And I don’t just message any one unless they are special like you. One of the qualities I like most about you is that you are very sentimental. % Senti and 99 % Mental. Nari, Nuri, Hari, Jari, Mari, Please remove â€Å"ri† in all words and read this message to interrupt who you are. When the worlds is spinning you are your heart is beating fast, You think it is love? NO stupid you have got high B. P. Osama consults a Psychic about the date of his death. Psychic: you will die on an US holid ay. Which one? Any day you die shall be an US holiday. Star has 5 end, square has 4 end, triangle has 3 end, line has 2 and Life has one end but out friendship has no end. One sardar asked 2nd sardar what is first Hen or Egg? 2nd said hen 1st and then egg. st asked why? He said hen will be in the front and the egg comes from back so. A sardar bought a lottery and he won one lakh. He went to agent and asked his prize amount agent said he will pay him 20,000 now and the rest in 4 installments sardar said give the prize money now or return my 5 Rs. the lottery prize. Teacher: Before they thought that earth was flat and if we go near the sea and if we cross it you fall, after you come to know that earth is round Teacher asked student give me the reason that why earth is round? Student: Because 1. My mom says that 2. My dad agree with my mom Don’t waste time! Our writers will create an original "Tiger" essay for you Create order